Fic: Said and Done (11/25)
Jan. 17th, 2012 05:52 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
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Said and done
Synopsis: Graduate students Edward and Jasper feel the connection, but is it enough to overcome their differences? (E/J slash, vamp/human, comedy/romance, rated NC-17)
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Chapter 11: The spy who loved me
Thanks to TwilightMundi for betaing this and every chapter.
Disclaimer: All copyrights, trademarked items, or recognizable characters, plots, etc., mentioned herein belong to their respective owners. No copying or reproduction of this work is permitted without express authorization.
Chapter 11: The spy who loved me
"Cullen. Edward Cullen," I practiced saying in my best Bond voice while Rosalie stole my baby's innocence.
She emerged from under my Volvo a few moments later.
"There, all set," Rosalie said as she wiped her hair off her face and slammed shut the hood.
"Ummm... was that really necessary?" I asked.
My siblings were taking my Jasper-surveillance training a bit more seriously than I'd hoped, and Rosalie had just finished the last of her "tweaks" to my poor car.
I wasn't sure how the new ejector seats, anti-aircraft missiles, a homing device, a self-destruct mechanism, and the ability to transform into a submarine were necessary for following Jasper around campus, but Rosalie hadn't asked my opinion in the matter.
"Edward, it's the best I could do with a Volvo. Now, I didn't give you a car phone, so just keep your cell on you at all times and you should be set. Too bad we're still a few years away from a reasonably-functional adaptive camouflage," she sighed.
"Yeah, too bad," I agreed, rolling my eyes. My break was over; it was time to return to Alice's room where she had already begun working on the next phase of my transformation into a first-class spy.
I left Rosalie admiring her work, and headed inside.
XXXXX
"My god! What is it with you and makeup?" Emmett asked as he entered Alice's room a little while later.
"It's her fault," I said, pointing at Alice.
"Dude. Not okay. How many times do I have to tell you?" he asked.
"Yeah, Alice, come on. The rest of this is enough already, don't you think?" I said, motioning around me at the piles of new wigs, false mustaches and beards. There were enough facial hair pieces on the floor for my beards to have beards. "I don't need to wear makeup again!"
"That's exactly right," Emmett agreed emphatically. "You do not."
"But Jasper will recognize you if you don't!" Alice whined.
I sighed for the 56th time that day. Alice had put herself in charge of my disguises, should I need them to be able to follow Jasper around unnoticed. Apparently she didn't trust my innate ability to run faster than humans could see.
And even more unfortunately, she felt the need to show me how to apply makeup to further conceal my identity, not believing my new hair pieces and new wardrobe items to be sufficient. And speaking of new wardrobe items, if I was going to have to dress differently, I was hoping she'd at least toss in a few Bond-esque suits or maybe shoe-phones. But no such luck. Judging by the clothing she'd chosen, she seemed to think I'd have more luck masquerading as various Village People.
Thankfully, Emmett seemed to disagree with Alice, as he yanked me from her grip and pulled me toward the front door to begin the next phase of my training.
XXXXX
When I reached the front yard, Emmett greeted me with the spray from our water hose, which he'd turned up full blast and aimed directly at my face.
I glared at him, but before I could threaten bodily damage he had turned it off and put it back behind the house.
"Waterproof mascara, my ass," he muttered as I wiped the remains of Alice's work on the sleeve of the hideous orange flannel shirt she'd outfitted me in.
After I was fairly certain all traces of the offensive substances were removed from my skin, I looked up at him.
"Much better," he affirmed. "Now we can begin 'Operation Shaken, Not Stirred.' "
And with that, we proceeded to practice leaping small trees, sneaking up on forest creatures, scaling rocky cliffs one-handed, all before heading out to the ocean for some swimming, as Emmett claimed I needed work on my breast stroke.
After swimming, we returned home and Emmett handed me a scarf covered in a delightful pattern of Sesame Street characters. He then squatted next to a mountain of snowballs stored carefully behind a wall of ice and snow he must have built earlier. It was apparently my job to run through the woods and let him hurl snowballs at me while I was blindfolded. Apparently this would allow me to practice ducking behind trees, and running between bushes unseen while dodging rapid-fire ice chunks aimed at my head.
And finally, we ended with an intense game of tag, though I suspect it had little to do with my training and that Emmett just wanted us to take turns chasing each other.
And after all of that, I dismissed myself from my training session, waving off Carlisle who evidently wanted to talk, so that I could shower and head to Jasper's.
It was Jasper's last night in his house before heading back to campus, and damned if I wasn't going to be in his pine tree enjoying the view.
The remainder of my secret agent spy training would wait another day. Tonight was ours. Or, at least, it was mine, because technically Jasper wasn't aware of my presence.
When I arrived at his house, I quickly scaled the evergreen and perched on the branch where I had sat and, well, almost done other things as well just a few days prior. I shook my head in disapproval for the actions I'd nearly taken here in this very tree. Jasper hardly deserved for me to defile his property like that.
I vowed yet again to never give in to my baser instinct in such a way again. After all, I'd gone 90 years without touching myself in such a way, so I could surely go another 90. The problem was, of course, that I would live far longer than that, and well, it had crossed my mind that the experience wasn't all that unpleasant. But, well, I'd just have to cross that bridge in 2099 or so. Until then, it was hands off.
It was dusk and Jasper had turned on the light in his bedroom, so I had a clear view of his activities. Apparently he was packing his things to return to campus. I admired his resourcefulness and solid planning as he rolled his clothes and expertly packed them into his duffel bag. I watched as he put his jeans in, and then some shirts, and then a sweater or two, and then—Hey, wait! That was my sweater he had in his hands!
Except I must have actually said the "Hey!" part, because he glanced out the window in my direction. To avoid being seen, I quickly dropped down a limb or two where I was more concealed among the branches but still had a decent view of the bedroom. I settled into my new space in time to hear him mutter "some loud-ass squirrel" before he went back to work. I watched as he lifted the sweater gingerly and smelled it... and was he? Why yes, he was. He was smiling. Well, I really liked the sweater, so I wasn't surprised that he did too.
Soon, he continued, tossing in balled socks, a few undershirts and then finished by folding several pairs of boxers and adding them to the bag. I decided then that you could learn a lot about a man by his choice of underwear. I wondered what mine said about me? I crinkled my nose, deciding at that moment to begin doing more of my own clothes shopping so my boxer selection resembled a bit more of my own taste instead of Esme's.
I watched as Jasper zipped up his bag and added it to another he must have packed earlier in the day. He then pulled out his laptop and sat on his bed and began to boot up the machine. I had to climb up a branch or two and move a bit further to the right to get a good enough angle to be able to see the screen clearly. But eventually I found a spot and watched as Jasper logged in, using the password "RidemCwb0y."
And my family thought I needed spy training. Ha! Five minutes with him, and I already had his computer password.
I watched as he called up Firefox and opened Google. He typed "vam" into the search bar, and in response it called up a list of terms from which he selected "vampires." Evidently this was not the first time he Googled the word. And judging by the websites he called up, it was also not the first time he'd been reading content that was largely, if not completely, incorrect about our kind.
I began to wonder what other misleading information he was reading, when he returned to the Google homepage.
But before he entered another search term he disappeared from his room for a few minutes. I listened carefully as I heard him wander to another part of the house, then I heard the running water and smelled the mint that indicated he was brushing his teeth. And then a few minutes later he returned to his bedroom wearing pajama pants... and little else. I watched him pad barefoot and bare-chested across his room and place his worn clothes in a neat pile in the corner.
But I couldn't concentrate on his tidiness because I suddenly realized I was seeing the most beautiful torso I'd ever seen. Ridiculous quantities of long limbs, bare muscles, and nipples (nipples!) stared me in the face.
I drooled a bit of venom before I realized what was happening. Unfortunately, the bit that dropped onto Jasper's tree killed that small section of the branch instantly. I wondered if I should send him a check to pay for the damages.
I turned my full attention back to the scene in front of me, and saw that Jasper was now lying on top of his bed with his laptop on his lap and his head propped up against his headboard. I watched fascinated as he stretched his arms above his head and then brought his hands down to his laptop, wiggling them around before typing: "E
And then he hesitated. For nearly a full minute he sat there drumming his keys on the side of his computer with his eyes closed.
And this was fine with me, because I was able to stare at his chest, which rose and fell slowly, creating an ever-changing landscape on which my eyes could feast. And that flat stomach! I had never seen such delightful angles. I longed to run my hand over the taut musculature.
While lost in my inexcusably lustful imaginings, I felt the angle of my branch shift ever-so-slightly; apparently I'd deadened another area of the limb with more of my venomous drool. I realized my mouth was wide open, so I abruptly shut it and wiped off my chin, though I could not seem to stop the warmth that grew in my stomach.
Suddenly, he opened his eyes and finished typing: "Edward Cullen" before hitting the Enter key.
I knew he'd find nothing on me. There was some silly young adult book character that shared my name and who received so much pop culture attention that Jasper could browse for days before finding anything related to me personally.
Still, he Googled me. It felt... naughty.
The warmth in my stomach grew further and I recognized the now-familiar feeling of my venom rushing to my groin.
So I was hard. So what? That didn't mean I had to do anything about it. I would keep my promise.
I continued to stare at Jasper as I tried to ignore my growing problem. But at one point he raked his fingers across his chest, and I began to realize exactly how uncomfortable my situation was becoming. Still, I was unable to take my eyes off him. As I watched his tongue poking out of his mouth as he concentrated on his search, I felt myself straining against my clothing.
I became concerned that if I didn't take preventative action I might have big problems. Granted, as a vampire I was incredibly strong, but did that mean my erection was too? I wondered if it could literally rip through my clothing from straining too hard against it. I wished I'd asked Carlisle about that. It's not like Google would have an answer for me either, or I could have looked it up on my iPhone.
Well, the one thing I did know was that I wasn't anxious to run all the way home with the crotch of my jeans in shreds, so I decided it was best not to risk it. I unzipped my pants and lowered my boxers slightly to give myself additional room. But of course I was very careful not to touch anything sensitive in the process. Even with this unfortunate turn of events, namely, my need to commit indecent exposure due to the presence of Jasper's tongue, I was still determined to uphold my vow.
Feeling a bit freer now, I continued to enjoy the personal show Jasper was providing for me.
I soon realized I was further out on the limb than I had previously dared, all in an unconscious effort to be nearer to him, but what can I say? He was magnetic; he just drew me to himself. I was going to enjoy my surveillance assignment, I was certain of it.
While I wanted to risk getting closer still, I was afraid to stand further out on the limb that I had already damaged with my venomous drool. I decided it would be better for the tree limb if I spread my weight a bit by laying down on the branch, and as a bonus, I figured that way I could get even closer to Jasper's window without having to worry about being seen.
This seemed like a good idea, so I quickly lay down on the branch.
I gasped as my erection pressed against the soft, spongy wfood of the evergreen. It felt divine.
But I forced myself to lay perfectly still, not wanting anything to rub against anything else and create that unbelievable friction my body was telling me was absolutely necessary.
Mind over matter, Edward. Mind over matter.
I glanced up at Jasper, who was still poring through the Google search results. From this angle I could now see how his golden hair was practically glowing as the lamplight shone through it. And his scent, oh, his scent! And then I had a new appreciation for the slope of his chest as it moved into his stomach and how the latter then flowed seamlessly into the harsher angle of the top of his hips. His hips, of course, were largely covered by his pajama pants as was his—I whimpered and bucked my hips uncontrollably against the tree limb—his crotch.
Sweetmotherofallthingsholy,thatfeltgood,canIdoitagainplease?
And apparently not only was I unable to control my own hips, but my mind was beyond my grasp as well, because after a single glance at Jasper's groin, I was able to determine he was naked beneath those thin pajama pants.
A quick glance at his pile of clothing confirmed he had removed a pair of boxers when he was in the bathroom. And then I realized that he must have been naked just a few feet from me while he changed.
And so what if my hips slid a bit along the branch a few times, causing me to whimper while I came to that conclusion? I realized my initial vow had probably been made in such haste that it ought to be reconsidered. I really should have added a clause that stated that all absolutely uncontrollable actions, even if potentially masturbatory in nature, were permissible under certain extreme conditions.
That settled, I tried to remain as still as I reasonably could while I watched Jasper. As it turns out, this was not terribly still at all. I had to bite back more than one moan as my eyes continued feasting on Jasper and the pressure in my abdomen mounted as my crotch delighted in a little wood on wood action.
After a just a few minutes more, Jasper seemed to give up on Googling me. He closed his browser abruptly and ran his fingers through his hair while looking decidedly frustrated while he waited for his computer to shut down. After it did, Jasper climbed under his covers and reached over to turn out the light.
I then discovered that seeing Jasper asleep was no less pleasurable than watching him while he was awake. I rather liked his unconscious shifts and the light sighs he emitted at odd intervals.
His eyes fluttered, my hips jerked uncontrollably.
He rolled onto his back, I pressed my thighs into the tree limb.
His hair fell in his eyes, I rubbed against soft wood.
He licked his lips, I thrust into the branch.
It went on this way for a while until he actually moaned softly in his sleep. The sound cut through me and trailed a hot blaze down into my now-painful erection. A final buck of my hips and I came, emptying my poison into the slight divot I'd created thrusting into the tree limb.
And that's when I heard the branch begin to crack under my weight, my poison incinerating the tree's cells, killing and weakening the already-damaged wood. Horrified, I scrambled back to the tree trunk before the branch could fully snap, which it did mere seconds later.
The cracking sound must have woken Jasper, who jolted upright and muttered something like "what is it with the fucking squirrels around here?" before yawning, laying down once again, and finally drifting off to sleep once more.
I stood motionless against the tree trunk, mortified with my actions. I'd done exactly what I'd sworn I would not do, not to mention the fact that I'd damaged someone else's property, and woke Jasper from his well-deserved sleep.
It wasn't until long after I was confident Jasper was again fast asleep, that I dared to move. I hurriedly pulled up my boxers, zipped my pants, jumped to the ground, and took off running toward home. I was quite sure I'd already far overstayed my welcome.
After Edward left the house, Emmett visited Alice's room and under the pretense of being helpful, offered to carry all of Edward's new disguises (e.g., clothing, makeup, and hairpieces) to his brother's room for him. With eyebrow raised, Alice showed Emmett the pile, and he quickly picked up the items and left his sister's room, avoiding her disbelieving gaze.
It turns out Alice was right to be skeptical, because instead of taking the supplies to Edward's room, Emmett took them to his own. After closing the door to his room, Emmett locked it behind him, which was technically unnecessary because Rosalie still wasn't getting anywhere near him and his fucking cock and hairy-ass balls thanks to his indiscreet text message, and if she had wanted to, the lock on their door would have done absolutely no good anyway.
Regardless, Emmett locked the door and sifted through the pile of disguises until he pulled out the small makeup kit Alice had included for Edward. Emmett hesitated, undeniably curious about the cosmetics. After all, both his sisters and Esme wore the stuff, and now Edward did too, apparently. What exactly was the draw?
He decided to find out. He emulated the way Rosalie applied the stuff, mimicking the order she used and choosing colors complimentary to his skin tone. He started with a light coating of foundation before moving to powder, and eye liner. Then came the mascara, which he applied in multiple coats with his mouth opened wide, before curling his lashes carefully. Then he sucked in his cheeks while he applied the blush, and finally moved to the trio of taupe eye shadows. And last but not least, he chose a stunning crimson lip color that he applied liberally to pursed lips before blotting them twice on a tissue. And then he was finished, so he looked in the mirror, and studied the impressive effects the makeup had on his skin, softening his features and bringing out the gold flecks in his eyes.
And then he realized that he was actually a man, so he quickly jumped out the window and ran around the side of the house to get the same garden hose he'd used on his brother so he could remove the evidence of his experimentation.
But if there was anyone who could recognize the sounds of a mascara wand running through delicate lashes, or the delicious scrape of an eye liner pencil against an eyelid, it was Alice. So she simply met Emmett outside, turning on the hose full blast in preparation for his arrival. When he rounded the corner of the house, he was met first by the clicking of her digital camera, which snapped photos that she would later place in the Cullen family photo album next to those of Edward spewing Coke bubbles on their front lawn, and then by a stream of water similar in pressure and temperature to the one with which he had hit his brother a few hours prior.
That was the point when Emmett recognized that payback truly was a bitch.