Fic: The Lighthouse

[icmezzo_archive]

The Lighthouse: A sequel to 'Rocky Shores'

A/N: I wrote "Rocky Shores" in just under 24 hours last summer, just in time to submit it for the "In the Closet" Contest. It was a different sort of story for me; there's nary a vampire or comedic element to be found. The response was largely positive, though nearly every reader requested that I write more to the story... a neat and clean ending for the characters. To me, however, the story was absolutely complete. Life isn't tidy, and there are no promises of HEAs. Besides, the story wasn't about Jasper and Edward. Well, it was, but it was more about Jasper's journey.

As such, the story was stick-a-fork-in-it done.

Done with a capital D.

Never touching it again, never thinking about it, absolutely, completely...

Not done? ::blinks::

I woke up one day and suddenly there was a second part to the story, entirely written in my mind. This was definitely odd, as I hadn't thought of "Rocky Shores" for a good eight months and because, as I noted above, the story was done. But what do I know? I'm just the author. And so, dear readers, as Edward said in the original one-shot, "You weren't done here, and neither am I."

Thus, I give you "The Lighthouse," the sequel to Rocky Shores.

And with that, I take you to coastal Maine on a hot summer evening in late July...

(The usual details: This story contains J/E slash, angst, romance, and more angst. It is AH and, unlike Rocky Shores, is rated M. Many, many, many thanks to Theladyingrey42 and Missyfits for prereading and TwilightMundi for betaing. And, as always, all copyrights, trademarked items, or recognizable characters, plots, etc. mentioned herein belong to their respective owners. No copying or reproduction of this work is permitted without express authorization.)


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"Edward?" my mother prodded, trying to be understanding, but a customer was on the phone and she needed an answer.

I stared at the calendar, unable to form an answer because of what it would mean. But it was time to put aside the denial I'd clung to as the weekend faded away.

"Okay," I finally choked out, when I felt my mother's arm on my shoulder. "Give it away."

The Cull Inn was full but for one room, a suite I had reserved in the name of "Jasper Whitlock" many months earlier.

But it had sat vacant throughout the weekend and that didn't look to be changing any time soon. Letting it sit unnecessarily empty for a week during peak season meant substantial financial loss for the inn.

Of course, I hadn't thought the room would go unused. I'd pegged my hopes, hung my heart, on his return.

Though Jasper had never given any sign that he would be back, I had been certain he had a role to play in my life that was bigger than that of a fleeting guest star. I expected him to arrive Saturday morning, or afternoon at the latest, as anxious as I was to begin our week together. But by Sunday evening, I was forced to admit he wasn't coming.

And I had to do it in front of my mother. I cringed, as I told her to release the room.

My mom squeezed her arm around me as she finished taking the reservation, but I ducked away, unable to tolerate the display of affection while my heart splintered in my chest.

Suddenly, I very much needed to be alone.

"I've gotta go." I knew it was my strangled voice saying the words to my mother, but my mind was already elsewhere, reliving that cold, wet weekend for the millionth time. How could he not come back? I'd been so certain...

"I'll be back in the morning."

I barely heard her call her goodbye after me as I flew out the door in the direction of my truck, whistling my Goldie, Leah, to my side as I went.

There was only one place to go.

xXxXx

Twenty minutes later I stood at the edge of the ocean as it splashed onto the brown sand of Popham Beach. It was high tide, so I couldn't get out to the rocky outcropping where Jasper had washed up into my life.

Never letting that spot out of my sight, I aimlessly wandered along the beach, automatically throwing driftwood into the waves for Leah to retrieve. I had climbed those rocks so many times in the previous months. It was the only place that felt like him.

Maybe it was crazy. I had only known him a matter of hours, a few days, tops. But I couldn't let him go. Like driftwood, his cracks and fissures and weaknesses made him all the more special in my eyes.

He'd been so vulnerable. The brokenness in his gray eyes, the ache of holding himself together evident across the line of his jaw, his pain present in the curve of his chapped lips; it broke my heart.

And it wasn't just that I didn't want to let him go. It was simply wrong to do so. I couldn't just release him, damaged, into the cold gray waters, powerless against the currents.

It was irrational, holding on like this. Of course it was. But somehow I hoped that, in the dark times, he somehow understood he had my support behind him.

I bent down to scratch my now sandy, wet dog and accepted a whine and a kiss in return before sending her crashing into the water again in search of a branch I launched in that direction.

I hadn't heard from Jasper in the intervening months other than via a postcard with a collage of crazy Boston street signs on one side, and the words, "Thank you," scrawled on the back. I'd saved it of course, but hadn't attempted to reach him. He hadn't provided his e-mail or return mailing address, or even a phone number. While I longed to help him, I respected his obvious need to put his life back together on his own.

Jasper had told me repeatedly he hadn't wanted to hurt me. But the moment I saw him sitting in the rain that second day, I'd known that hurting would be inevitable.

Tears pricked at my eyes as I watched a couple holding hands as they meandered along the water. It was a beautiful summer night, and many people were still out enjoying those few minutes after sunset before the sky completely darkened to match the sea.

I'd been so sure...

"Leah, come!" I called as she ran a bit too far away after a seagull. She behaved and shortly came trotting up to my side, grinning her happy dog grin. I rolled my eyes at her and sent her back into the water after a large stick, though I was secretly pleased with her obedience. At least she always came back.

Jasper, on the other hand... I couldn't help but wonder why he hadn't returned. Maybe the asshole who had caused him such pain had come around and they'd gotten together, or maybe he was seeing someone new altogether.

Perhaps he'd forgotten. Perhaps I was forgettable.

While jealousy burned at the thought of him with someone else, my stomach actually heaved at this thought.

Maybe it was time to set him free.

Well, almost time.

"Leah!" I called, trying to distract myself. "Ready to go?" I asked her. We had to head back to my truck now that it was dark.

Instead of heading home, I couldn't help but drive in the direction of our inn, knowing that the room in which I'd spent a night at Jasper's side was still available one more night. It was probably crazy, but the desire to wallow in the little we'd had together was impossibly strong.

I'd start getting over Jasper tomorrow. I had the rest of my life to sleep in my own bed.

xXxXx

After getting back to the inn and spraying Leah off with the hose, I went inside to find my mom. I planned to take over the front desk so she could have the remainder of the evening off, a rarity during the high season, but instead she wordlessly handed me the key to the Captain's Quarters and shooed me away.

Grateful, I headed off to the room, depositing on the bed the few personal items I kept at the inn before making my way to the shower, eager to wash off the salty day.

I was rinsing the shampoo from my hair when I caught a glimpse of my reflection in the glass doors of the shower. Disappointment swept through me; perhaps it was presumptuous but I'd never imagined I'd be standing in this shower alone on this July night.

Feeling sorry for myself, I let go of the tears that had built as my excitement for Jasper's arrival had given way to hollow disappointment. I leaned on the wall of the bath and let them fall as the hot water poured over me.

I'd clearly invested way too much of myself in this nonrelationship. I'd held a man who was broken, content to wait for him until he was ready for something more. But apparently he wasn't interested.

When the tears slowed, I washed my face and finished up in the shower, and began drying off with the large fluffy towel I found just outside of the bath.

In turning the water off, I heard my mom knocking at my door.

"One second!" I called, quickly grabbing an extra towel to tie around my waist to make myself as decent as possible, betting she'd stopped by to drop off some leftovers or some clean clothes that I'd left behind from a previous visit. I'd be grateful for either. I didn't have much with me, nor had I eaten dinner.

The words, "Thanks, mom," died on my lips, however, when I unlocked and cracked the door for her.

Instead of my mother, it was a man with gray eyes and a shy smile who hadn't forgotten after all.

"Hi." His was quiet. Nervous.

I gaped at him for a second before ushering him in, suddenly very aware I was still dripping wet and wearing merely a towel in a room that was supposed to be his. I felt his eyes wash over me. Quickly, I ran the smaller towel I'd been holding through my hair. "Let me just get dressed, okay?"

He nodded. I grabbed my clothes and headed to the bathroom.

I'd never dressed more quickly in my life, praying he wasn't a trick of my mind, that he'd still be there when I emerged.

He was, sitting on the edge of the bed.

My heart leaped into my throat.

It had mattered. I had mattered.

I sat down next to him.

I had no clue what to say to the man who had walked back into my life after miles and months of silence, no idea how to begin with the stranger I'd spent more time with in my dreams than awake.

"I didn't mean to... interrupt..." he began just as I said, "You must be tired."

Neither phrase was worth acknowledging. Instead, he studied me, and I him, memorizing the lines of his face, filling in the detail that had faded during the months since I'd seen him last.

"You came back," I said.

"I...yeah. Was that...Is it still okay?" he asked hesitantly.

"More than okay," I told him. "I was starting to think you wouldn't..." I was hesitant to admit that I'd given up. I'd need to tell him eventually though. After all, we'd rented his room to someone else beginning the next afternoon.

"I'd have come sooner but my niece was baptized today and I couldn't leave until afterward." He interrupted my thoughts with his explanation.

"Oh, well, I can, um, go and let you unwind and relax and unpack and everything," I offered, suddenly aware that he might be viewing his visit as a vacation and not as a chance to be with me. I made no move to leave, however, my body still eager to absorb his closeness after such a long drought.

"Actually, I should apologize," I said. "This was the only empty room tonight. That's why I'm here. And I've already messed things up a bit." I glanced at my things that were scattered about. "But I can stay upstairs with my mom." My mouth kept moving, tripping in explanation of the thoughts racing through my head.

I hadn't wanted to assume anything. I could sleep on the couch in my mom's section of the house.

"Don't go." He almost whispered this, looking down at his knees shyly.

I nodded. "Okay."

He met my gaze, and there was peace and new strength in his eyes where once I'd only seen pain and defeat.

I was unable to look away. He was more beautiful here than in my memory. I wanted to reach down and place my hand over his where it rested on the bed between us, but I was nervous. Nothing was clear. There were so many questions and so much that needed to be discussed. And I had no idea what Jasper wanted. Still, the pull to touch him was overwhelming.

"I—"

"We—"

My breath caught and my words faded away as his eyes fell to my lips.

Time stood still.

Then he kissed me.

Twisting until he was over me, his hands found my arms, then slid to my chest. I leaned back on the bed and braced myself with my elbows so he could lean over me. I knew nothing but the insistent press of his full lips on mine as I learned his mouth, his tongue.

I treasured the taste of him, relishing the flavor that came flooding back.

Too soon, he pulled his lips away, instead resting his forehead against mine. His hands cupped my face and we shared the same air.

His stormy eyes met mine. I can only imagine what he saw.

I felt his uneven breaths brush past me, teasing. My own hitched in my throat as he studied me.

Wordlessly I told him how badly I wanted him, that I had from the moment I first saw him, all wet and alone and right.

Maybe he heard me, because his mouth again found my lips, his tongue met mine, and I drowned in his taste.

We weren't tentative; it had been too long in coming.

Fevered touches opened the door for long-buried hunger. And it was clumsy and perfect, as our mouths took and gave.

I felt his hands clawing at my chest, and I fell back fully onto the bed, my hands raking through his hair. His weight reminded me he was real, and I felt him pressing against me as he hitched his leg up over my thigh. I grasped his hip, his ass, covered by worn denim.

Never ever take this for granted, I told myself. Not ever.

His hand slipped below my tee, shoving it up and out of the way, his palm dragging across my skin. He tore my shirt over my head and immediately moved to lick and suck, my neck, my shoulder, my nipples, my abs.

The wait for him to come back had been too long. We were desperate and hurried in our actions. Not careful, we didn't think or plan or justify. We simply took what distance and circumstance had, until now, denied us.

I pushed Jasper up just enough to yank off his own shirt, observing a leather strand around his neck that I hadn't remembered, a small detail I hadn't known before that I now treasured. The raw look of it against his flushed skin made me more hungry for him. He was lean and toned and so fucking gorgeous. I pulled him to me, unable to resist, inhaling his scent, and never letting go.

He returned his mouth to mine, fevered licking and sucking as he began to rock over me. I groaned at the feel of his erection against my thigh and clutched at his jeans-clad ass as his movements offered me delicious friction as well. His knee landed between mine and I arched with a gasp as he bucked against me.

He rolled his hips against mine at a fevered pace, and it was so good. Through our jeans, I felt him, his hardness rubbing against mine, and somehow I knew that he hadn't forgotten me, not even for a moment.

And I certainly I'd never let go of him, of our potential.

Never let go... I grasped at the back of his neck... sucked on the expanse of skin over his heart... nibbled at his shoulder... Never let go.

Never, ever, ever, fucking let go.

And our fucking jeans were still on and I didn't even care because I couldn't stop and I needed to claim him. I bit the flesh at the crook of his neck, and it was too much, the salty flesh, the sweat slicked skin, the smolder in his eyes, and way he was aroused by me and the feeling of his cock pressed against mine.

Heavy and real. Here and real. Mine and real.

Gasping and losing control, I clung to him because out of everything, he was the only thing that I couldn't survive losing again. And I didn't know what that meant because we only had a week, but I didn't care because I needed to find a way to make this last.

I watched him drag his teeth along my chest as he stared at me from behind hooded eyes. He pressed just right, and I couldn't hold back any longer.

Shuddering, I gave in, and let my orgasm overwhelm me, as Jasper thrust atop me, grunting, his own body seizing not a minute later. He pinched his eyes closed, and I watched as he bit his lip until he dropped his mouth open, unable to hold back his groan.

I had let him walk away before, because I had to, because it was the right thing to do. But his departure had left a gap, an empty space. But now we were tangled and panting in a giant pile of bare torsos and pounding hearts and faded jeans and mine. And I felt completed and sated and whole again.

I closed my eyes and offered up a word of thanks.

And then I kissed him again.

xXxXx

There was surprisingly little conversation between us. After a quick cleanup on my part, Jasper showered and I left briefly to retrieve wine and snacks.

The silence wasn't worrisome, though there were certainly issues to be dealt with come morning. For now, though, we were content to just be.

We spent the evening simply lying together. Half dressed, entwined hands, entangled legs and bare feet, locked gazes. It felt slightly luxurious, just being together. Words were unnecessary, complicated. There was an underlying hunger for again, but it merely simmered below the surface.

The evening had cooled, as summer nights along the coast were wont to do. There was no need for air conditioning, and the salty breeze was pleasant.

I watched Jasper's eyelashes flutter as he glanced down at our locked hands, pulling them up, curling our arms between our chests.

He is here. He is with me. He came back.

My thoughts were simple, repetitive. Happy. I decided not to think about how long it had been since I'd felt such contentment.

I looked into his eyes. "Don't go." I'm not entirely sure why I said it or what I was requesting.

"Okay," he murmured.

His fingers firmly clasped in mine, I closed my eyes and floated away in a haze of him, content to let the feel of his thumb caressing the back of my hand tether me to the earth.

He shifted on the bed so he was close, and I felt the warmth from his body along mine. The heat of his breath was on my neck and something stirred within me. Jasper ran his other thumb along my lower lip.

"Edward."

The way he said my name warmed me as much as his touch.

"Is this crazy? Everyone thought I was crazy..." I trailed off.

Crazy to wait for you. Crazy to claim that the instant attraction might be more than lust. Crazy to claim that I knew, knew I needed you in my life.

I turned to him, reopening my eyes. He was so beautiful, with his long lashes and lips, slightly parted from saying my name.

"C'mere," he said and pulled me to him for another kiss, a dozen kisses, a hundred, maybe more. It was hard to tell where one stopped and another began.

Eventually I sat up, pulling him with me. For the second time, I undressed him, this time completely. Standing, unhurried, I peeled back layers until it was just him on the bed, reaching for me, naked.

There was no hidden meaning when I made him wait a moment before going to him. I simply wanted to stare, to drink in the planes of his body, to etch them permanently into my head. I'd never seen him like this before, fully bared for me.

"Gorgeous," I breathed. I knew he heard me because of the slight flush, the lowered eyes; still shy. "Perfect, you're so perfect," I said.

He peeked up at me.

"You are," I told him again.

He shook his head and motioned me to toward him. Before I obeyed, I, too, undressed, eager to climb onto the bed with him with no barriers between us.

Stepping out of my jeans and underwear, I left everything in a puddle on the floor and laid down in his arms, pulling the cool sheet over us, shielding us from the world.

Hushed groans and soft gasps tumbled from our throats as we took our time exploring each other.

I smelled the soap on his skin, the scent of shampoo in his hair after his shower. The trace of the curve of his bicep, the line of his hip, and arch of his neck. Felt his hard flesh and his softest skin.

Kissed his lips, licking his mouth, slick and hot and wet. Traced the salty trail a solitary tear left behind on its way from his eyelid down his cheek and straight to my clenched heart.

"Shhh." I ran my hand along the same path. I'd wait for him longer, if he wasn't ready. He was here. That was more than enough.

He shook his head though. "I'm just not used to this," he said.

I kissed his damp lashes. "Used to what?" I asked after a moment.

He sniffed and swallowed a few times. "I'm always crying in front of you," he mumbled, sounding frustrated.

"Small sample size," I replied. "Do you want to stop?"

He shook his head again. "No, not at all. You just...you look at me in awe or something," he murmured.

My stomach turned as I was reminded of how destroyed Jasper had been when I met him. I briefly wondered how deeply he'd been cut. But this wasn't the time for that conversation. I focused instead on communicating how much I desired him with my touch and hushed words.

"I've waited for you and you're so worth it," I whispered. "Completely worth it. Everything about you, not just your body—though you have to know how much I wanted to touch you—but your mind, and heart and strength. God, I think I spent the entire month of May wondering what you'd sound like when I finally got you to laugh. April, well, I'm pretty sure all I did was worry about you, but June? June I imagined this, us, together, usually naked..."

I paused to run my hand along the planes of his body, because I could.

"Just like this, again and again and again," I continued. "Until I drove everyone mad with my daydreaming and couldn't get a thing written for work because I was so distracted. But it doesn't even matter because you're worth it and I'd do it again in a heartbeat."

Jasper cracked a bit of a smile. "You should know that I require food and bathroom breaks on occasion. And Wi-Fi. I'm very high-maintenance."

"Whatever you desire," I grinned. So fucking worth it.

"I don't need any of that yet though," he told me. "There's something entirely different that I want right now."

"Thank god." I rolled him on top of me, kissing him soundly and enjoying the soft whimper he made in response.

He breathed deeply above me, and I felt his hardened length resting along my own.

I paused to wait for his signal. I didn't know how far he wanted to go, what he was comfortable with. I didn't have to wait long.

"I want you. I want you too," he admitted.

I held my breath, wondering what he was saying. After thinking for a moment, I responded, safely, but honestly. "And I want you."

"No," he said more firmly. "I want you."

My voice sounded low to my ears. "Are you sure?" My throat caught. "I didn't... you don't have to...that's not why I invited you here."

"Don't you think we've waited long enough? Too soon would have been the day I met you, and the weeks after that. Maybe even yesterday. Yesterday may also have been too soon, I don't know. But now, here? It feels right."

He was babbling a bit, so I stopped him, brushed his hair out of his eyes. "Jasper, you don't know...You can't know how much I've wanted you. Since the moment I saw you."

He trembled a bit at my words before meeting my eyes. "What do you like...how do you...?" He trailed his hand along my chest.

"Either," I answered honestly. "Both?" I smiled. "Yes, please?"

He bit his lip. "Why are you so fucking perfect?" he asked, and I sensed the words slipped out somehow.

I was tempted to inform him that I'm not, but the words fell away as he rocked above me, slowly, tantalizingly.

We were done talking.

I reached to kiss him soundly as I took him in my hand, and it was amazing to feel him, to really touch him there, thick and hard, and to hear the little noises he made as I did so, his body betraying his desire. His hand found my cock as well, and he teased, palming me lightly, and that was even better.

He swiped his thumb over my head, and I bucked slightly in reaction as he gathered the bit of moisture. Resting his forehead on mine, he watched between us as he stroked us both together, his tongue peeking out from his lips.

Irresistible. My tongue met his, and my hands clutched at his hair as he braced himself above me.

The desire to care for Jasper was undeniable, and soon all I wanted was to taste and pleasure him. It took some effort to pull him off me, but when I finally untangled us from the sheets and took him in my mouth, the soft sigh he made tugged at me and I did everything I could to hear it again.

I dragged my tongue, lapping at his length, and sucked and kissed, and I wanted to do it for him. For some reason the way he clenched his eyes shut and threw his arm over his eyes made me wild. He craned his neck and I saw his stormy eyes watching me, so I hollowed my cheeks and gave him a bit of a show until he fell back again overwhelmed.

He trembled and tensed, stopping me.

Salt and Jasper and ocean and sex, the scents of swirl around the bedroom as I waited and watched him.

He grabbed for my hand and pulled me to lie beside him. Once I had, he offered me his fingers, which I sucked into my mouth. When I released them, he reached down and stroked me languidly, and even though in many ways, I had absolutely everything I'd dreamed of in this moment, my body craved more pleasure, sought its release, and I wanted it to be amazing for both of us.

"Take me?" I requested softly. Take me. Have me. Choose me. I think I said the words in my head the moment I first saw his face, and again when he confessed the cause of his tears, when I held him in the rain, when I first kissed him, and when I left him the note asking him to return.

Four months later, I found myself asking it again. And I saw in his eyes the 'yes' that he was finally able to give me.

He rolled off the bed to hunt through his bags, returning quickly and this time it was his mouth on my cock, hot and wet and don't ever stop. I felt the press of his finger against me, cool and moist, and it warmed me to know he wanted this, planned for it when he packed his bags. And I'm not sure whether it was knowing that or his gentle touch that had me ready for him so quickly, but I was done waiting. Jasper was right, we'd waited long enough.

"Okay," I said. "I'm good. You can...Please." I was only barely still in possession of my manners as arousal fogged my brain.

He knelt between my bent legs, putting on the condom and slicking himself before teasing me with the head of his cock. All I wanted was to feel him in me. I pleaded with my eyes, but he didn't seem to be getting the message, pressing but not enough, not enough.

Not enough. "Jasper," I warned.

He looked up from where he teased me to meet my eye. "I just don't want to forget this first time, how you feel around me."

And as much as I wanted him, all I could do was pull him down to me for a kiss, because the first time does matter. It meant something because it was him and it had been so long in coming. Because he said it's the first time and so I knew there would be others. Because it would be so good again and again and again, but maybe never again quite like this.

Or like it would be if he finally entered me already. I released his mouth and caressed his cheek and then said, in the nicest possible way, "Jasper, please fuck me now?"

He nodded and urged me to come to him, moving us so I was on my knees in front of him, positioning me so my back was to his chest, and I felt his cock hard against my ass. I turned my head to kiss the man behind me as he held himself at my entrance.

Moments and months and forever later, or maybe just a second or two, he finally pushed up into me as I sank onto him, and the feeling of rightness overwhelmed me.

Slow motion. Everything slowed but for the feeling of him, filling me, inch by inch, and the ache was perfect as he entered me.

And we didn't move other than our mouths, though his arms wrapped around my chest from behind me, clinging to me.

Shifting his hips, he began, the delicious movement setting my nerves on fire. Slowly, meeting and then pulling apart, only to meet again, deeper, more fully.

He sucked at my neck and I couldn't help but groan as I felt him in me. Jasper. In me. Fuck.

I pulled off him, giving my body a chance to regroup, and lay on my back before him, knees bent around him.

He guided himself back into me, stretching in all the right ways, touching all the right places. I reached for him, needing to hold him in some way as he found a rhythm.

I watched; I loved the way he tried but couldn't keep his mouth closed, and the way I could tell he was concentrating by the look of his brow. The way his hands grasped at my thighs, holding tightly as he took me.

Again, and again, he filled me. The heat built, warmth flooded through my body. It couldn't last.

Tensing, the tightening in my stomach spread in waves until it reached the tips of my fingers and I couldn't possibly fight it any longer. I met Jasper's eye to warn him, but found him already watching me, eyes dark.

"Come, Edward."

I did exactly what he said, free-falling as I released over his hand and shuddered through my orgasm. "Fuck, Jasper," I said, or I think I did, as he slowly stroked me through it.

I collapsed, and he leaned down to kiss me, panting and sweaty and salty. Rolling his hips, his movements became erratic. He gasped as his own orgasm crashed over him.

"Coming," he grunted. "Coming."

I didn't let him go.

xXxXx

There are problems and then there are problems. Some disappear in the light of day, or at least within the reach of my mother, who moved our last-minute guest to another nearby inn. Somehow she secured an upgraded room for them, additional mid-week bookings for her innkeeper friend, and ensured the Captain's Quarters would remain Jasper's for the week. My mother, miracle worker.

Others problems, however, are more insurmountable.

We talked. For hours we talked. In bed, we talked.

Walking the beach with Leah, fingers entwined, we talked.

I learned all the things I hadn't known before. I found out about his family and friends. His job. His apartment. His favorite music, and how he got the scar on his right forearm. What he wanted to be when he grew up. And how he'd changed since I'd seen him last.

"How long?" I asked at one point as we took a walk after dinner. "When did you...get over him?"

"It took awhile," he admitted, "I felt like such an idiot, in addition to the fact that he broke my..." He paused and kicked a rock out of his path. "Do we really have to talk about this stuff?"

I didn't answer. It wasn't my favorite thing to do either, but I suspected it was important.

He sighed. "We do, don't we?"

I wrapped my arm around his lower back as we walked on. "It was pretty bad for awhile, wasn't it?" I asked. As bad as he was when he was here, I was pretty sure he'd still been in shock, and imagined that when he returned home it would have gotten worse before it got better.

"Yeah, it was."

"Wanna tell me about it?"

He did.

I could tell Jasper was in a much better place, a far healthier one, though it appeared he might always carry around certain scars. I knew he put his feet beneath him again though, and was proud of the independence he'd gained in the past few months.

Happy for him, and happy for me, as this meant he allowed himself to come here and be spoiled and cared for. And I did, I cared. And he cared too, I could tell.

We spent almost as much time kissing as we did talking. Almost.

And that afternoon, shielded from sight in the rocks where we had first met, Jasper took me in his mouth, and I returned the favor. It was a little bit of healing in a place that had become important, and I felt that in doing so we marked it, claimed it as ours as we came. Mostly we did it because we couldn't keep our hands and mouths off each other. Warm sun and salty skin and drops of sea and us.

There's something to be said for having one of your fantasies come true, especially when it was just as hot as you imagined.

We went back to the Inn afterward to shower and change for dinner, and in the shower door I caught my reflection entwined with Jasper's.

I wasn't alone.

xXxXx

The next day we hiked a small mountain. We climbed, Leah by our sides, sweating and breathing the clean air and the scent of the pines, the warm sun and the twitter of birds. We talked a bit, kissed a bit more, but mostly we simply were.

I started to see what we could be outside of the bedroom and away from the beach where, to a certain extent, memories of rain and tears might always haunt us. Jasper was a man that I wanted to be with beyond this week, after his reservation at the inn came to an end.

It was glorious to know, and something I'd always suspected might be the case, but it was also a truth I was wary of dwelling on. I didn't want Jasper to feel pressured or claimed, and I didn't want to spoil the breathtaking views with complicated discussions of life beyond our week.

At the summit, we looked out over the world for a while. We could see the distant peak of Mt. Washington in one direction and the sea in every other. And there, in the secluded space and the afternoon sun, he took me again.

It was lucky we didn't fall over the edge, though I knew that, deep down, I was already well on my way.

xXxXx

Tired limbs and sore muscles were our excuse for staying in bed the next day.

Alternately taking and being taken, I wondered how much sex we were capable of having in a single week. It seemed like we must be on some sort of record pace.

I tried not to think about what my mother thought of our constant requests for room service, but it was drizzling outside and comfortable in our little corner of the world where little existed but naked limbs and soft conversation and naps taken curled in each other's arms.

Time? Time didn't exist in our space. Not that day.

If it didn't exist, it couldn't pass. I wouldn't let it.

xXxXx

I woke the following morning to Jasper's hand on my ass. He was lying beside me, and his leg was thrown over my thigh. As I became conscious, I realized he was hard against my hip, and my own erection was pressed into the mattress. I moaned.

He wasted no time in flipping me over and taking me in his mouth, shifting his body so I could do the same for him.

The sounds he made were sinful, and it drove me wild. I did my best to keep up.

I couldn't imagine a better way to wake up.

The day was hot and bright, and after showering and grabbing a light breakfast, Jasper wanted to go to the beach.

Packing towels and a cooler with ice and water and fruit, we headed out, taking Leah with us. I drove us to a new location, one of those tucked away spots, off the beaten track and away from tourists. There would be some locals present, but not many on a weekday morning.

Laying out in the sand, we took turns with the sunscreen—SPF 10 for Jasper and 45 for me, something I refused to be embarrassed by—and while it wasn't the most efficient way to apply the lotion, the massages we traded were nearly as hot as the sun beating down.

Twice I reapplied Jasper's sunscreen, unable to resist the chance to run my hands over his glistening skin. The way he licked his lips as I kneaded his muscles shot waves of desire through my body.

We lasted several hours, swimming occasionally, and playing in the surf with Leah, tossing a Frisbee along the edge of the water. It was mid-afternoon when the temperature became uncomfortable, sweaty became unpleasant, and the sand, a nuisance. Trooping back to the car, we decided that showers then naps were on deck, followed by a nice dinner.

While Jasper showered, I secured a reservation at one of my favorite seafood restaurants, calling in a favor with a friend to make sure we get a prime table out on the deck overlooking the water. I knew Jasper would enjoy it, and with the end of the week approaching at an alarming rate, I felt the need to make every moment perfect. I knew it was ridiculous; the quality of our meal wouldn't make him suddenly decide to drop his life in Boston and stay in my arms forever. Still, I couldn't help myself.

Dinner was as perfect as I'd hoped. We shared an intimate meal at sunset overlooking the water, complete with good wine and the best scallops I'd ever tasted. With the most handsome man in the world sitting in front of me, it was almost too much.

"How far are we from the beach we went to earlier today?" Jasper interrupted my thoughts as we finished up dinner.

"Not too far. Maybe 15 minutes up the coast? Why?" I asked.

"Can we go again? I'd like to go at night. We haven't done that yet."

"We aren't exactly dressed for it," I reminded him, not sure he wanted to get his nicer dinner clothes all sandy.

Jasper merely raised an eyebrow in response.

Fucking hell.

"Check, please," I whispered.

Twenty minutes later we pulled up at the beach and began shedding clothing. We rolled up our pant legs, and left on only our undershirts to walk down to the water barefoot and holding hands. The sand had cooled, but the water felt warmer in the night air.

We wrote silly messages in the sand and watched the first stars appear as the darkness deepened. The beach emptied as twilight turned into night. Still, with the full moon reflecting off the water, there was enough light to see by, and it felt intimate, even though we were in the middle of the open air.

I pulled Jasper toward me until I was holding him in my arms. "Let's dance," I whispered, giving into the impossibly romantic setting.

He nodded and rested his head on my shoulder, and we swayed gently to the song of the ocean and the sound of the breeze moving through the reedy grasses.

Inexplicably, tears pricked at my eyes. I'd looked forward to this week for so long, and it had been perfect, beyond my admittedly sky high expectations.

Jasper looked up and studied my face for a moment. Unexpectedly, he stepped back and took the lead, and I found myself being twirled across the sand, laughing like kid, or maybe like a man who was falling in love.

"Wanna go in?" Jasper suggested, tilting his head toward the water after spinning me a few more times. His eyes twinkled in the dancing light.

"Aren't you scared?" I teased. I loved swimming at night, and I was familiar with the beach so I knew what areas were safe. The ocean was remarkably calm as well, so even the waves wouldn't be a big issue. Still, I knew the darkness made some people nervous.

"You'll protect me," he said, winking.

"Hmm. I think you may need protection from me." I smirked, squeezing his ass before glancing down the beach.

Someone could come along, but it appeared we were alone for the time being, and that was enough for me. I stripped quickly. "Better take off your pants, Jasper," I said, folding my clothes and setting them in a little pile, careful not to kick sand on top of them. "Or haven't you gone skinny-dipping before?" I called, jogging off into the water, gasping at the feel of the cool water on my skin.

"Right. Pants." I heard him say just before I dived into the surf.

When I resurfaced, I found Jasper waist deep in the water, stalling. "It's not that cold," I told him. "You'll get used to it. C'mon, you gotta get deeper in case anyone else walks by. No one besides me gets to see your ass."

I laughed as Jasper spun around to check for observers.

I swam up to him. "I'd prefer they not see that side of you either," I announced, sweeping his feet out from under him and carrying him further out, weightless in the water.

He shivered in my arms, and held on to me tightly. "I've gotcha," I told him, with no plans to let go.

When he was ready, I set him free, and we swam out a bit further to where we needed to tread water. It was beautiful, the waves shimmering in the moonlight, and the droplets of water sparkling on Jasper's body as we bobbed in the water. Unfortunately, we were tragically immature, and instead of delighting in the atmosphere, we laughed and tried to dunk each other under the water. Then again, a little flirting never hurt anyone.

After drinking a little too much salt water, we swam back toward shore until we could stand again; the sand beneath our feet was comforting in the dark, and it allowed us to use our hands for more than staying afloat.

Playful turned needy and it was my turn to be carried. I wrapped my legs around Jasper's waist and his arms supported my lower back, holding me to him in the ocean currents. We kissed, tasting each other's salty lips, and was perfect, and I wanted to stay like that forever.

But we couldn't.

The thought sent a small wave of panic through me, and I found myself needing to wiggle free from Jasper's grip. My feet found the sand, but it was of little comfort. Having Jasper wrap his arms around me helped a little bit more.

I had to say it. I couldn't wait any more. I didn't want to ask, but I had to. I didn't want to know, but I needed to.

"What's next?" I murmured into Jasper's shoulder.

"I don't know," he admitted so softly I could barely hear him over the sound of the ocean.

"You have to leave," I said.

His silence was confirmation. It wasn't fair to ask him to stay. And it wasn't as though I could follow him. My mother needed me at the inn. Ever since my dad passed away a few years ago, it had become even more necessary for me to be nearby. And I didn't begrudge it. This land, the Inn, it was home. I would never make it in a tiny Boston apartment.

I shivered, the light breeze cooling the water on my shoulders and upper chest.

"I guess it's time to head back," Jasper said.

"I guess." What could I do but agree?

We were both quiet during the ride back to the inn, through our showers, and as we got ready for bed. I couldn't shake the sadness that had settled over me, and when I climbed into bed, I couldn't help but turn away from Jasper's side.

He soon followed, sliding under the covers behind me, spooning me in the silent night. I couldn't even turn to kiss him goodnight because I didn't want him to see the stray tear running down my cheek.

Unconsciously, I sniffled a little and he hugged me tighter. He took a deep breath. "I...I think I could...one day...I think I could...fall in love with you," he said quietly, and I heard the catch in his voice. "I think I could love you, Edward."

"Me too," I choked out, holding his hand against my chest, covering it with my own. "Me too."

If only we had more time, if only we lived closer, if only circumstances were different. If only.

Silent tears flowed freely and sleep felt a million miles away.

xXxXx

I woke before Jasper the next morning, took Leah out, and then headed to the bathroom to shower. Jasper knocked afterward while I was brushing my teeth in my underwear.

Opening the door for him, he entered, and I watched his reflection as he stood behind me in his boxer-briefs, his hands on my waist as he peered over my shoulder, his eyes clear, intense.

"We'll figure something out," he said.

I looked away.

"What do you want to do today?" he asked, reaching around me for his own toothbrush, while keeping one hand on the small of my back.

I shrugged my shoulders. Did it matter?

"Edward..." he trailed off.

Unable to meet his eye, I left the bathroom and went to sit on the bed.

Seconds later Jasper stood before me. "Hey, I don't wanna spend my last full day here being all mopey, you know? What do you feel like doing?"

"I don't care. It's up to you. You're the guest." I focused on the view of my mother's garden through the window.

"Edward, we'll figure something out, okay?" He stood between my knees and tried to get me to look at him. I did, but his eyes saw too much and I had to turn away.

"Hey, c'mon. Look at me," he pleaded.

I tried, but felt my eyes threatened to water, and I didn't want him to see. I went to the window, just to have somewhere else to look.

"Listen to me," he said firmly. "We will figure this out."

I shook my head at the false promise; he had to go. His life wasn't here. The thought of weeks and months alone again...

"You're not listening." He sounded frustrated. He walked over to me and spun me around, standing directly in front of me. "Edward, we'll figure this out. Somehow."

I studied his face. How could he know? "Jasper, how? There's no way—"

I was cut off when he smashed his lips to mine. His hands, needy, grasped and pulled me to him. I closed my eyes against the onslaught, but felt myself giving in, kissing back, reaching to hold him.

"Edward Cullen, you listen to me," his low voice insistent in my ear, "We will figure this out. I need you in my life."

I sucked in air and nodded slowly. "Okay."

Then, in a single movement, he spun me so I was back at the bed, stripped of my underwear and pinned down by his weight pressing against my back.

"You're mine," he murmured, placing open mouthed kisses along my shoulders and back. "I'm not letting you go. We'll figure this out."

Under his persistent touches, our bodies came alive.

My eyes were still teary when he pressed into me, the emotion of the moment too overwhelming to contain.

Salty, wet, raw, and somehow...

xXxXx

We sat outside in the grass later that afternoon to make our plans, attempting to make "somehow" a reality. Road trips. Working remotely. Taking turns. Careful calculations. Matching schedules, ignoring gas prices and justifying carbon footprints, and trying to look past the fact that it wouldn't be every day. Not nearly.

"For now," I mumble, setting aside my iPhone calendar to scratch Leah's belly.

"Just for now," Jasper answered, wrapping his arms around my waist, tipping my chin to him for a kiss.

I nodded, pushing him down to the grass and kissing him deeply as the warm salty summer breeze danced across our skin. "Just for now."

I looked into the gray eyes that had owned me from the minute Jasper had washed up into my life.

For now until forever.